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| photo credit: Danielle Sequi Photography |
For 9 months Matthew and I dreamed of Isla Jae getting here, seeing her sweet little face, kissing her cheeks and trying out our wings as new parents. My belly grew, we sang to it, kissed it (well Matthew did!) and watched the days fly by. They flew by so fast that we flew right past our due date of Thanksgiving, November 28th. I found myself at my appointment on December 3rd, hoping to hear good news, like that I was going to have her 2 days ago.
Now before we go any farther we have to back up a couple months. Matthew and I enrolled in a birthing class called Confident Childbirth that we were referred to by a friend. We knew we wanted to have a natural birth so thought it'd be smart to take a class to find out how crazy we actually are and see what we were signing up for! That class was a lifesaver for us. We learned everything from pain coping techniques to the best tactical route to the snack room for 2nds and 3rds! Trust me, being pregnant makes you hungry. And makes your husband hungry. I wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed when class was going on and I heard him trying to scoop peanut M&M's with a plastic cup out of a bowl sounding like a raccoon in a garbage can. Because I knew those M&M's were for me. And baby. :) Anyways, I think the most important thing we learned from class is that we make an extraordinary team and that we were doing this birth together.
One afternoon when I was about 37 weeks pregnant, I saw this YouTube of a lady and her husband singing worship songs during labor. In my mind it was going to be lame or weird and I just watched it because someone had shared it with me. I was not expecting to burst into tears. The lady's angelic voice and her husband playing the guitar while singing a rendition of Psalm 23 hit home for me. The reason was that I had been preparing for birth in so many ways...birthing class, packing my bags, freezer meals, freezer cookies, buying baby clothes etc but I had missed the most important preparation of all... my heart. I stopped and prayed right there. "Jesus, I want you to be part of our birth story. I want you right there with us, helping both of us through it and I want to completely trust you". That was the part that had been missing for me.
So back to my appointment. Concerns of having to be induced if I didn't pop this child out soon were flooding my mind and after hearing that I was 4cm dilated, 80% effaced and at a +1 station. If those numbers mean nothing to you, that is awesome. Basically baby was super low and ready to rock and roll. I decided to have my midwife strip my membranes and for me that did the trick.
That evening after a relaxing night watching Harry Potter with the husband and puppy, I realized that contractions were starting to become regular around 10pm. We labored at home from 10pm to right around 6am in the morning. At 4:30am I told Matthew that I was ready to go to the hospital. He told me, "Well babe, you can still talk through your contractions so maybe we should wait longer". So I thought to myself, "yeah you're right. Toughen up and wait a little longer!" The goal for us was to labor as long as we could at home because in class we learned that the more comfortable you are and safer you feel the faster you progress. And what is safer and more comfy that huge sweats and snuggling in my bed with an army of pillows? So at 6am we packed up our things and headed out in the frigid cold to St. Als Boise.
After hours at this hospital they lock the doors so you have to pick up a phone and ask to be let in. The lady asked if she could help me and I felt silly as I responded, "Hi, I'm here to hopefully have a baby!" In hindsight I should have let Matthew have the phone. They checked me and I was dilated to an 8. An EIGHT! I had been praying my brains out that God would help me with the pain and just to be present with us there and it was evident that he was. The whole way to the hospital I was telling Matthew how a natural birth had seemed like a WAY better idea in theory than actually living through labor and how there was a good chance I wanted drugs. By good chance, I mean I wanted them. (Now is a really good time to throw out there, I think epidurals are awesome and I do not judge anyone who had one or wants one! Everyone's different birth story is beautiful and perfect, I just knew that for this birth I wanted to do it this way)
One of the nurses came up to me, and told me, "Honey you're super close, I see in your birth plan you want to go natural and I know you can do it!" Sigh. So much for drugs. I knew it in my brain too that I could I was just terrified of the unknown and signing up for something that could be even more excruciating then what I was feeling already. But I felt a peace and Matthew had my hand tight in mine as he breathed with me through every contraction and whispered prayers in my ear.
They broke my water and then left the room so that Matthew and I could have peace and quiet and work through the next 2 or 3 hours... minute by minute. I kept my eyes shut the whole time and focused. I pictured a counter that had spikes on it that were the pain and then I took a big breath as if I were blowing out birthday candles and visualized my breath bending the spikes over the side of the table so that they couldn't hurt me. In between contractions there was blessed rest, and soaking that in was bliss.
Then it was time to push. I should just leave a blank paragraph below because there are no words that could describe this part. But I don't want to leave you hanging so I will try my best. I will try to keep it as G as possible :) Basically it feels like you are going to explode. And everyone is cheering you on, like "YOU CAN DO IT!!" "You're SO close!! One more!" It felt like everyone was cheering me on to my death, that if I gave them that one or two extra pushes they wanted that I would just explode into smithereens. So I tried to turn my mind off and just listen to them. I figured that they loved me and just wanted the baby out as much as I did. After 25 minutes of trying to convince my brain to trust the cheering and to grit down, find my Montana roots and just do it, little Isla was born.
Que tears. Matthew brought her up to my chest and her bright little eyes just looked at me. The whole world had stopped and the hours of labor were immediately forgotten. (The pushing was not forgotten I may have PTSD forever from that ;) My heart was so full of love for this little person that I had never met before. Matthew and I just sat there holding her as tears brimmed over our eyes.
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| photo cred: Danielle Segui Photography |
I know that no matter what faces us as parents we will never face it alone, God will always be walking right with us, helping lead us in the right direction and holding us when we fall. Knowing that he loves Isla even more than we do helps us trust Him and have a peace. We know that our hope is in Him, not being perfect parents or having it all figured out.
Matthew and I have been brought to tears numerous times this past week just with an overwhelming love for this sweet girl as well as being overwhelmed by the absolutely incredible community God has blessed us with.
We love all of you and are excited to share this new adventure with you.
